Thursday, Oct. 23, 2003 - 4:12 pm
well, im not at my best, this entry, you mightnt understand, but i know one person will know what it is about.
if i could describe my feelings right now, i would. but i think one song could do that for me.
I don't know why I did the things I did
I don't know why I said the things I said
Pride's like a knife, it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes
I didn't really mean to hurt you
I didn't wanna see you go
I know I made you cry
But baby
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that have hurt you
And you'd stay
If I could reach the stars
I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me
Like you used to do
If I could turn back
My world was shattered, I was torn apart
Like somebody took a knife
And drove it deep in my heart
When you walked out that door
I swore that I didn't care
But I lost every thing darling then and there
Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong
I know that I was blind, and darling
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that have hurt you
And you'd stay
If I could reach the stars
I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me
Like you used to do
If I could turn back
~~~
okay, i know all the words dont apply, but most do. if i could wish for one thing right now, it would be that i could turn back time, not to much, only 24hrs. thats all.
we both said things that made each other feel hurt or guilty.
yes, but what i dont know, is this. i dont understand, do you want me to stop iming you so much, even when you arent there, i do that to everyone, cause once i start talking, it is hard to stop.
do you want me to stop being sarcastic? maybe we arent good enough friends to be that sarcastic.
do you want me to stop talking to you, fullstop?
will you ever stop feeling angry at me?
is it what happened when you sere doing that memo? all i did was offer to help, and when you said no, i left you alone.
is it what i said that morning? i didnt mean it the way you took it. cause i didnt say hello to you, the first thing i asked is how the memo went, and then i sadi hello to you too.
i think you took it as me saying that you didnt say anything, i didnt mean it that way.
i should of just left it there, if i did, would you still be angry at me?
i didnt mean anything i said, i didnt mean to make you feel guilty, i wasnt meaning to, i started off fine, but i should of stopped when my parents started at eachother, becaseu of me. thatis when i started not to mean anything.
do you think of me as a hassle? a nusience? a compleate idiot?
all i can say, is i am sorry.
nothing more, nothing less.
and i dont expect you to answer ever single message, i dont expect anything from you. i dont, i really truely dont.
how can i forget this? would i just throw everything awaybecasue of this, everything that reminds me of this person? if i did, i wouldnt be me. they are my role model, they helped make my life as it is now, with friends, they helped me, write, feel, think, they introduced me to diaryland.
how can you forgive your role model?
easy, you dont.
you start over again, as if we never met, start from the very begining, not forget, just start over, work over the things together, that we need to change.
just start over.
if that is alright with you?
